199: Banned from the Cennini Forum!

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Banned from the Cennini Forum!
Those who’ve watched Mr. Howard’s bullying tactics on this forum won’t be in the least surprised to learn he routinely censors posts on his own forum; the forum he advertises, along with his products, with nearly every to this forum.

For your amusement, I’m posting a that got its sender---me---banned from that forum.

Original post on Cennini forum:
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A young friend sent me this transcript of a conversation he had with a master illustrator. He says it changed his life.

“Master, I want to serve an apprenticeship with you.”

“How strong are your hands?”

“My hands?”

“Yes, yes your hands. We grind our colors in my special medium---mastic, lead, Canada balsam, wax, copal, stand oil, boiled oil, thickened oil, black oil, sticky oil, gooey oil, and oily oil---and you need strong hands to mix these together.”

“Special medium?”

“Yes, it’s essential for my patented technique: Wrinkle-Be-Gone. You can see it in this painting.”
“It’s a painting of a young lady; very sketchy---out of focus.”

“Right, young man, right. Precision is the sign of the amateur, or an obsessive-compulsive. Boldness is the key thing, that’s why I paint with this assortment of trowels---another reason for strong hands. Here, compare the painting to this photo of the model on this easel.”

“Why it’s a photo of an elderly woman. It doesn’t look anything like the woman in the painting.”

“Dolt! What are you a Marxist? A Nazi? A bible-thumper? A professional knows what people want and people do not want to be old, or overweight, or ugly. I give people what they want! I’m a professional, young man, a professional. Using my Wrinkle-be-Gone technique I can make even the oldest and ugliest person attractive like the woman in this painting. Knowing what people want, I’ve stockpiled 200 preliminary paintings---templates if you will---which enables me to finish a painting in a single afternoon. You can see them in that room there.”

“My goodness. Half of the paintings look exactly like the one you’re working on and the others are of an attractive young man. It’s wondrous, but aren’t your clients looking for originality?”

“Dolt! What are you a Marxist? A Nazi? A bible-thumper? Originality? Soul? Bah! That’s for school children and amateurs. Clients don’t want that. Besides, my paintings ARE original; they tell a story. See, in this one there’s the porcelain urn with the ashes of her poodle, and the cigar box with the ashes of her six husbands. I always put items that tell a story in my paintings. And if clients don’t have beautiful furniture I’ve photos of antiques that can suit any taste. Because I know what people want, they pay handsomely—very handsomely. I’ll tell you what people want: they want to be young, beautiful, and rich. They’ll pay a lot for a painting that says ‘I’ve money.’ And that’s why I’m starting a whole new line of products. Here, let me show you the prototype painting.”

“But it’s just a painting of a dollar sign.”

“Dolt! What are you a Marxist? A Nazi? A bible-thumper? You don’t get it. Free your mind! Think like a professional! A painting is nothing more than a status delivery system, and what could be more appropriate than an expensive painting of the thing itself? It’s brilliant. I call it ‘The Spirit of the Age’.”

“Sorry, master.”

“Sorry? “Dolt! What are you a Marxist? A Nazi? A bible-thumper? Manners are for losers---it shows that you have no money. People with money NEVER apologize. I don’t believe I can work with you after all.”
“No, Master, no. I CAN pay. Here. I’ll write the check.”

“Check? Make it out to ‘Wonderful Magic Products.’ Here, give me the check.”

“Ouch, Master, you’re hurting me!”

“I SAID give me the check!”